No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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