You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
