im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
