There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
