I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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