Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
