Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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