And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
