whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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