My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Drunk is not a location!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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