i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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