I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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