OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
