My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
