I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
