Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
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I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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