i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
