If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
nutella sex= disaster
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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