I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
