i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
