I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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