I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
