after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
