So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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