i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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