are you so shy because you have an std?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
