did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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