i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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