Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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