I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
