So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
