Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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