I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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