You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
