It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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