We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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