This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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