he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
