She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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