I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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