so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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