great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
