I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
