I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
