ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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