remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
