I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
