need another drink. this is the easiest way
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
