Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
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