I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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