You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
