My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
nutella sex= disaster
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You are the jesus of drinking
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
