woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sorry about my life...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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