She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i now understand why vodka
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
