it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
