Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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