I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
