She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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