I think I am morally bankrupt
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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